God has been talking to me about being a servant lately. Over the past few months, I have been made aware of how much my faith is about me, and not about the Lord at all. I've wanted God to meet my needs, fulfil my agenda, and generally make my life what I want it to be. The desire to be a 'Super-Christian' has been exposed as idolatry, and though the desire to see signs and wonders is still with me, it is being refined to be something less self-serving.
It's funny how such a lot of Christianity is about keeping tensions, e.g, the covenant relationship of friend-servant. It's nice to focus on the 'friend' side of our covenant with Jesus, because that's the easy side of it. The servant part is something I've missed out on, and something I'm just discovering as a good thing. All of God's chosen people in the Bible, e.g. Moses, Mary, Jesus, God calls 'servant', and it's not such a bad thing. I used to equate servant with a poverty-spirit type of thinking which doesn't know the abundance of God's grace. 'Servant' conjours up images of cowering subservience. But lately, I've found it very freeing to think of myself as God's servant, because that way I have the freedom to lay down my agenda every day, and not fight God to do what I want Him to do. Instead, I can say, 'Here I am, I lay myself before you, and allow You to make everything within me come into line with Your will'. That puts an end to struggle, and brings peace.
I haven't given up on my desire to see God do signs and wonders; to be part of His Kingdom Come in the physical world. I still want God to be more evident around me, but I'm finally beginning to grasp that a step on the way to get there is to be a servant, totally belonging to Him in every part. Mike says that a servant gives nothing out of his own resources, everything he has to offer is from his master. It's humility that counts, but in that place is greatness, because that's where you can meet God. I recently rediscovered an example of the kind of servant Christian I used to want to be in my younger days when zeal was more familiar to me. It's from a transcript that was found on the wall of a young African pastor who was martyred. I don't know who he was, but what he wrote makes me weep because it reminds me of all that I could be, but am not. I'm a lazy bum in comparison to this guy! Many of you may have come across this before, and I hope I'm not breaking any copyright rules by sharing this: "I'm part of the fellowship of the unashamed. I have Holy Spirit power. The die has been cast. I have stepped over the line. The decision has been made. I'm a disciple of His. I won't look back, let up, slow down, back away, or be still.
My past is redeemed, my present makes sense, my future is secure. I'm finished with low-living, sight-walking, small planning, smooth knees, colourless dreams, tamed visions, mundane talking, cheap living, and dwarfed goals.
I no longer need pre-eminence, prosperity, position, promotions, pluadits, or popularity. I don't have to be right, first, tops, recognised, praised, regarded or rewarded. I now live by faith, lean on His presence, walk by patience, lift by prayer, and labour by power.
My face is set, my gait is fast, my goal is heaven, my raod is narrow, my way rough, my companions few, my Guide reliable, my mission clear. I cannot be bought, compromised, detoured, lured away, turned back, deluded, or delayed. I will not flinch in the face of sacrifice, hesitate in the presence of the adversary, negotiate at the table of the enemy, ponder at the pool of popularity, or meander at the maze of mediocrity.
I won't give up, shut up, let up, until I have stayed up, stored up, prayed up, paid up, preached up for the cause of Christ. I am a disciple of Jesus. I must go till He comes, give till I drop, preach till all know, and work till He stops me. And when He comes for His own, He will have no problem recognising me - my banner will be clear!"
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